The Four Biggest Things God Taught Me in Haiti (#4: remaining BOLD in the gospel)

    4. Remaining BOLD in preaching the gospel

“…that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.” (Ephesians 6: 19-20)

When we went hut to hut to share the gospel, there was so much urgency, boldness and passion in my heart. I know it’s harder to do in the place you live, but it’s so important to have the same passion and urgency for the gospel in the place God has called you to long term. I was in Haiti for a week, but I will be in Lubbock for four or so years. I pray I can have the same urgency for the gospel here as I did in Haiti. With the courage of the Spirit, I can overcome uncomfortable situations and the awkwardness of going up to random people and sharing the most important news they’ll ever hear.

PREACH THE GOSPEL AND DIE.

Nothing else matters when I’m bones in the ground. Eternal matters are at stake. God is READY to claim His victory over Texas Tech and all the darkest corners of the earth.

It is not by our eloquent, crafty words that people will come to know the living God, but by the love of Christ, which is in us, pouring out all over this campus. May we share the good news that saved us with boldness, as we ought to, and may the living God resurrect dead hearts from the grave.

“And behold, the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And the earth shook, and the rocks were split. The tombs also were opened. And many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised, and coming out of the tombs after his resurrection, they went into the holy city and appeared to many.” (Matthew 27:51-53)

Saints, we have been risen with Christ! Let go and tell all of His goodness.

"When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, 'It is finished,' and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit." (John 19:30 emphasis added)

The Four Biggest Things God Taught Me in Haiti (#3: Prayer and Compassion)

3. Prayer and Compassion

At fall RSC (raider sister’s for Christ) retreat last semester, God convicted me of having a weak prayer life, so since then, the Lord has pushed me to pray more. Reading scripture has always been the dominating part of my spiritual life, but God has done so much through prayer throughout this school year. Now an unnatural part of my spiritual life is beginning to become natural.

This semester I started a study over the book of Nehemiah by Kelly Minter. The first two days of the study were about Nehemiah’s compassion and dedication to prayer. These were the two areas I felt I lacked the most, so it was funny of the Lord to lead me to this study.

In Nehemiah, the walls of Jerusalem were destroyed, and the people of the town were in great distress. Even though Nehemiah may have had some distant relatives in Jerusalem, the destruction of the town didn’t affect him directly at all. However, his response to this tragedy upon God’s people was weeping and mourning for days. I am blown away by this amount of compassion Nehemiah had for these people. It is so obviously compassion from the Lord. I have been praying that God would break my heart for what breaks His, turn my heart of stone into one of flesh, and make the numb parts of my heart sensitive to the Spirit. I have without a doubt seen the compassion God has given me in my relationships with people and for the Haitians. It allows me to continue to speak with boldness, but also with gentleness.

After Nehemiah wept and mourned, he responded by fasting and praying for about months. His natural response to tragedy was fasting and praying. This is so convicting. Not only did he do this for a day or a week, but every day for four months – there is such desperation and persistence in this that the Lord did not overlook. Following this season of fasting and prayer, he begin to plan how to practically carry out what the Lord had put in his heart to do. I’m such a planner, so I think it’s awesome that Nehemiah is a biblical example of prayer and planning working together.

However, because this prayer warrior mentality never came natural to me, I asked God to give me a passion for prayer. Praying for prayer? Weird, right? But my Father answered. I was put on ministry team for Foundation Staff, which is a lot of prayer. In Haiti, I was forced to rely on Scripture and continuous prayer, which was so healthy for me. Ryan, who evangelized with me a lot, referred to me as a prayer warrior, which is crazy because I totally was not at all at the beginning of the year.

Most importantly, I’ve learned the vital importance of prayer. It is a way for us as children of God to join in the work He is already doing. He hears us. He actually hears us. And He listens. Prayer increases the intimacy in your relationship with God. I tend to cling to the characteristics of a sovereign, holy God rather than my personal relationship with Him. He makes himself personal to me and desires that Fatherly intimacy. It’s so awesome that we can speak and listen to the same God who spoke the universe into motion.

The Four Biggest Things God Taught Me In Haiti (#2:sex trafficking missions)

2. International Missions With Sex Trafficking Victims

Before this trip, God impressed upon my heart that He would show me something tangible related to the passion God has given me for girls in the sex trafficking industry. To summarize what I wrote about in my day four, part two journal (3/13/13), I met this girl God promised me to meet on the 3^rd day of the youth conference. After we talked about sex and marriage in the girls’ 10-15 age group and encouraged them to tell someone if they were being sexually abused, one of the girls wanted to talk to me one-on-one. Her name was Danielle. She was an 11-year-old with skinny limbs who wore a navy tank top and blue jean skirt; her hair was in twists with white butterfly clips at the ends. While we were walking over to sit by a tree outside the tent, I had a gut feeling or rather a Holy Spirit instinct regarding the topic of this conversation. As the conversation unfolded, I realized the feeling was from God. I found out she has had sex with the wealthier guys (well-off for Haiti) so her family can eat. I consider this circumstantially forced prostitution. Shortly after this part of the conversation began, everything started hitting me, and the tears began to fall like raindrops out of the clouds. God definitely gave me the words to speak in those moments spent with her. I felt more helpless and weak than I ever have in my life. Any good or effective thing I said in that conversation was no doubt from God and an act of God. It was surreal to know one of the very girls I had been praying for over the past two years was sitting here on the Haitian dirt with me, staring into my wet eyes and into my soul with her black pupils surrounded by warm brown in contrast with the whites of her eyes that stood out against her dark, smooth skin. From a bird’s eye view, I imagine Mark, who interpreted, off to the side showing a hint of concern on his face, but, being a man, concealed most of his emotions; Danielle sitting there with what appeared to me as calm curiosity and concern as she listened and watched me cry for her; Then there was me, looking somewhat distraught and pained as I cried and spoke the truth of God. There’s a song called “Love Come to Life” by Big Daddy Weave and in the song it says, “Bring your love to life inside of me. Why don’t you break my heart till it moves my hands and feet?” It’s a good summation of the work the Lord is doing in me. He gave me something real and personal pertaining to my passion for these girls. He’s growing in me a love and compassion for these girls to the point that I must do something about it. I must devote myself to prayer for these girls. And in the future, I am confident God is calling me to international missions for girls in the sex trafficking industry. The passion I have for these girls is so insanely consuming and intense that the heart behind it must be none other than from God himself.

Closing thoughts: I cannot tell you how important it is to know the gospel when dealing with emotionally trying situations like this. Yes, it was incredibly heart breaking and the compassion of the Lord spills out of me for those girls, but I was still able to find hope and joy in knowing who God is. Also, this world is a broken place because it’s filled with broken people. God is in the business of restoration of the broken images of Him in order to glorifying Himself. Every time something bad happens, like the Boston Marathon bombing for example, there are always Facebook statuses and tweets about how this world is a messed up place and question what is wrong with the world. Well, I’ll tell you. It started in Genesis 3 when we screwed up all the perfect harmony of the world. Don’t blame it on Adam and Eve, you and I would have done the same thing. We are all depraved with an evil nature (just take a look at Romans 3:9-18 if you don’t believe me). “BUT GOD showed his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8 emphasis added). So because Christ was the all-sufficient sacrifice for the entire world’s sin yesterday, today, and tomorrow (that is A LOT of sin), God is able to see His children as holy through the lens of His perfect son.

All this is to tell you, I saw the gospel through this situation and in that I find joy. There is hope in the goodness of God. There is hope in the justness God. There is hope in the sovereignty of God. I am not able to see the whole picture with time from beginning to end like God does. I’m not able to see why God allowed something like the Boston Marathon bombing to happen, but I also don’t see the world from a bird’s eye view, and I don’t see time from beginning to end. We have such a narrow view of our short time here on earth. I wholly believe whatever God does is just and whatever God does is good because He is good (Psalm 34:8) and He is just (Deut. 32:4).

The Four Biggest Things God Taught Me In Haiti (#1:His power)

1. His power

I’ve never been exposed to people blatant worship to the devil. Of course people indirectly do it all the time by worshipping things of creation and not the Creator, but I’ve never experience such open wickedness. I also think I have a subconscious fear of demonic activity because of scary movies I’ve watched about demon possessions. I strongly believe the devil uses seemingly “harmless” scary movies to instill in us fear of himself and make it appear as if he is more powerful than He. In all demon possession/scary movies, God’s power is displayed as insignificant and typically nonexistent, but this is a perverse perspective created by the father of lies. For example, in The Devil Inside a Catholic priest gets possessed by multiple demons. Someone who is supposed to be a man of God is controlled by the devil. Let me tell you what scripture says about this. “But the Lord is faithful. He will establish and guard you against the evil one” (2 Thessalonians 3:3). If you believe God’s word as wholly true then this contradicts what was portrayed in The Devil Inside, unless the man actually did not have the Holy Spirit indwelt within him (he professed to be of God’s people, but was not). The verse in 2 Thessalonians I just shared was written to the church of the Thessalonians, so it was written for God’s people. Those who are non-Christians do not have the guaranteed protection of God from the devil/demonic possession. However, if you do have a regenerated heart from God (you have truly been saved by Him) then you have the Spirit of God inside you. Do you really think the devil can be inside you as well? If you do, then you I question if you have the Spirit of God inside you. I say this because if you know the power of God that has radically changed your wicked heart, there should be no room for question that even the trim on His robe is infinitely greater than all darkness combined.

Also if God is all-knowing and powerful over everything, do you not believe that everything includes the devil? He allowed the devil put Job through hell on earth to make Job more like Himself. Almost all of us have heard Romans 8:28 which says, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” For those who love God what’s “good” is not worldly success, but rather to be made more like Christ. How are we to become more like Christ in a cushy, comfortable life? We must go through the fire of sanctification, which includes opposition and obstacles put in front of us by the Adversary. “In this you rejoice, through now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith – more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire – may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:6-7).

There is another thing I want to mention to the children of God. This is very important. It’s something the Lord has taught me in the midst of spiritual warfare, and I believe He wants to share it with you. It is for certain that you will be attacked by the enemy. Ephesians 6:12 says, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” However, regardless of if you feel the boldness of the Lord to rebuke Satan in the name of Jesus or if you’re weak and feel helpless, God is with you always. He’s with you always. Satan can scare you like he did to me in Haiti when I was lying in bed listening to voodoo ceremonies. Satan can take away all your possessions, your loved ones, your health (I am speaking of what happened to Job here), but He cannot separate you from the love of God. “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39). The devil can hover over you at night, he can shout at you, he can scare you in your dreams, he can whisper wicked thoughts into your ear, but he CANNOT have possession of the children of God; YOU ARE OWNED BY GOD. The great and holy God, creator of all, is in you and ultimately holds all the power. For me this is comforting because I don’t always recognize the authority inside me that I have to stand up to the Adversary, but I know at the end of the day, God has victory – He has already won, and I am owned by Him.

When I came back to America from Haiti, I had a greater sensitivity to the darkness and brokenness around me. It was as if, previous to this trip, I was blind to the fact that the devil was seriously at work in America. We can’t just ignore the fact that he’s at work around us – it is good to be aware of this. However, do not become distracted or fearful because of this, but rather always keep your eyes focused on the light that is Christ. I think of it like this: there is darkness all around me – it’s not just the absence of light, but the darkness is the wickedness and evil that surrounds me – but there is a lantern that never goes out to guide my path. I cling to that light because I need it to lead me through the darkness. I constantly follow it, taking every step toward that light. "In him (Jesus) was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." (John 1:4-5)

There are two things of encouragement I want those who love God to take away from this:

1.      I encourage you to reflect on the fruitfulness of watching scary movies and movies about demon possessions. Please recognize that the devil has a huge stronghold in entertainment media – it’s very subtle, and we typically don’t recognize it’s him, but that’s what makes it so dangerous. Are the movies you watching putting bad thoughts and images into your head? What good is going to come out of watching this? Is it glorifying to God?

“Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.” (James 1:21)

2.      God is good. He owns you and lives inside of you. You have authority over the darkness through the power in you. “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light” (1 Peter 2:9). Praise God! What an encouraging verse. We have been called out of that darkness into his marvelous light.

3.      Recognize the power in prayer. You are praying to the one who reigns over all! Both your creator and your Father.

Haiti (3/15/13): There is a Time for Everything

We awoke to moist soil and grey clouds lining the sky.

After eating breakfast, we strapped on our life jackets and headed over to the dock to take a boat over to Kappa Fu. Kappa Fu is a small, remote village; it is the poorest of the poor in the world. Jody explained the poverty of the village as something you would see in National Geographic documentaries and magazines. I thought the Mole was remote, but apparently Kappa Fu is way more isolated than the Mole.

In two small fishing-sized boats, we ventured out into the deep blue sea whilst the choppy waves rocked us back and forth as the wind blew, and rain sprinkled over us. Before we got on the boats, most of took Dramamine, which is a medicine for motion sickness with a side effect of drowsiness; most of us were put to sleep during the boat ride by the Dramamine running through our blood stream, and the soothing rocking of the boat. We sailed out for about 45 minutes then had to head back because the waters were too violent; because of the choppy waves, we wouldn’t have been able to unload from the boats. So we saw Kappa Fu only from but a distance.

When we got back to Jody’s house, the Dramamine was still going strong, so I slept, woke up for lunch, packed my suitcase, then slept, and woke up for dinner. The medicine just really got to me. I honestly wish I hadn’t of taken it, but I suppose I needed the rest. I really wanted to play with the orphans for a little; I felt like I wasted my last day in Haiti. But I know God is sovereign and working regardless of if I sleep for a day or not.

As I write this, I am sitting on the deck where we have our meals and meetings. It is breaching midnight as I sit and listen to the sounds surrounding me; Jody’s children chuckle, my friends chatter and laugh, and behind me there is an argument about the rules of a card game going on.

At 2a.m. we will leave the Mole, in trucks this time (our bus was too beat up to make it back), and drive to Port Au Prince to stay the night in a hotel and flight out to America the following morning. Well, maybe we will leave at 2 a.m. – it could be more like 3 or 4 a.m.; Haitian time is very difference from fast pace, go, go, go, American time.

As I reflect on this past week, I marvel at the work God has done in my heart and in my team member’s hearts. I praise God for the people on this deck right now; for their deep love for Jesus, the encouragement they are to me, and how God is making them more like Christ every day. I could not think of a better team to share my experience in Haiti with. We are all so different, but the same in that Christ lives inside us. My heart is soft for each and every one of them.

Regarding going back to the States, I don’t want to. I love it here. I love the basic living style, the people, the atmosphere, Haitian time – everything about Haiti. I am dreading going back to a people obsessed with electronics and continuous communication; a country that has everything a person would ever need, but so much emptiness. God has definitely taught me during my time in Haiti that it doesn’t matter how much or how little you have; it means absolutely nothing if you don’t have Jesus. Matt Chandler, in his book the Explicit Gospel, says, “Making people comfortable before an eternity in hell is wasteful.” However, as much as I don’t want to go back to a nation full of materialism and consumerism that is where God is calling me in this season of my life. I will serve Him with joy in Haiti, and I will serve Him with joy in the States. I am called to be just loving, just as serving, just as intentional, and just as passionate about sharing the gospel in the States as I have been in Haiti. If God has the potential to use me in the way He did in Haiti, He can do it in Lubbock, TX.

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven”-Ecclesiastes 3:1

Haiti (3/14/13): He Who Is In You Is Greater

Today we got to choose if we wanted to do hut to hut evangelism, VBS, or construction. I was in the hut to hut group with Eric, Josh, Mandy, and Ryan. We walked uphill behind Jody’s house where we first visited a hut with a few women and lots of children. Ryan and I spoke with a woman; Josh and Eric showed the kids card tricks, and Josh shared his testimony with them (he told them the card tricks were not real and showed them how to do them because voodoo/magic type things are a big part of the Haitian culture). When Ryan and I first started talking to the woman, it was slightly uncomfortable and awkward, but I knew regardless of how we were feeling, we were still called to share the gospel with this woman. I prayed with her and then the Spirit started flowing. Both Ryan and I kept pulling out Scripture and giving her words of truth and encouragement from the Spirit. It was tight. There wasn’t much reaction or feedback, but God is sovereign and if anything, we saw God creating a greater heart of obedience in us. The Lord is teaching me to listen to His voice and do what He says when He says to do it, whether there’s tangible fruit or not. I think it’s important to not see the fruit of your labor sometimes because then God trusts that you will obey Him even when you can’t see what He’s doing. I believe that’s most of the time. I know He’s always working around me. I just can’t see it, or maybe I don’t ask the Lord to open my eyes to it enough. Regardless, it is God’s harvest, not ours – He will show you what He wants and leave unseen what He wants.

At the second house, Mandy and I washed the girls’ and women’s feet and painted their nails.  It is such an intimate thing to be able to serve someone by washing their feet. I love being able to clean their feet and wipe the dirt off with my skirt and make their nails look pretty with a turquoise nail polish that shimmers in the sunlight. The point of washing feet is not really so they can have clean feet that will get dirty in an hour; it’s serving others in a lowly, humbling way like Jesus did with the disciples. It is actually becoming a servant. While this was going on, the boys were playing games and running races. Then Ryan started preaching the gospel according to races to all these boys gathered around; it was awesome – I definitely saw the boldness of the Holy Spirit in Him. We went back, ate lunch, bought Haiti souvenirs at market day, then rested and relaxed at the beach.  

The youth conference started at 3 p.m. Our group performed the “Everything” by Lifehouse skit. In the beginning of the skit, God created a girl; He showed her all His beautiful creation, and they danced (the skit is all acting to a song without speaking). She was happy with Jesus then she began looking for fulfillment in the world from gossip to drinking to sex to voodoo. Those sins blocked the little girls from getting back to Jesus when she grew tired of the things of this world and found emptiness in it. Eventually, she cries out to God, and Jesus intervenes and fights all the sin off. It’s very powerful when Jesus stands behind her, and the sin that once kept her from him, flees. I almost started crying because the performance was such an intensely beautiful picture of the gospel. Those who acted in the skit on our team did well. I was super proud of them. Abbey and David spoke following the skit and did an awesome job. I loved listening to them speak truth. I led the girls’ 10-15 small group again. It was a large group – around 30 girls – and they were shy, not willing to open up. I can understand not wanting to open up in that large of a group with white people speaking through a translator to you.

We ate pizza for dinner! It was delicious. Now there’s a voodoo ceremony going on. They started at 9 p.m. tonight, which is really early for them. They are dedicated. They really just want your fear though, and they want to feel control though fear – or rather the devil does, but the only fear in me right now is the fear of the Lord. I pray the devil has no stronghold over me, and I cast out any fear that is not of God. It is so silly. They beat their drums and chant to the devil to spare their lives or whatever, when God is the only one who can save their lives. The devil just wants to kill, steal, and destroy us all. The Lord brings life and life to the fullest. The craziest thing is we see these people who participated in the ceremonies every day out on the street and greet them. Not that we know who it actually is, but it some of the people we see daily. Another wild thing, I am just like them – just as evil, just as wicked. Although I’ve never worshiped the devil directly, by glorifying or worshiping things not of God, I might as well have. Just because evil and brokenness is more tangible in Haiti, doesn't mean the same, if not more, exists in America. We are all evil. We are all in desperate need of God. He is our only hope. He is our salvation. Through Him, we find life. Through Him, I find the comfort and peace to say “Amen” and go to bed in the midst of distance banging of pots and pans and chanting. In Him, I find refuge and freedom to peacefully sleep without feat because the Spirit of God is with me and in me. PRAISE GOD!

My closing thought: The devil is real, yes. Demons are real, yes. There is some power in evil. BUT GOD is real. Angels are real. And He ultimately holds all the power. He sees and knows the evil that goes on. He is not blind to it. In fact, we cause most of it. When you wholly fear God – not fear in the way you’re worried He will strike you down at any moment, but fear Him with a reverential awe He deserves, there is no room for fear of anything satanic. God is good, and He is with me. There is nothing else in all of creation that matters.

Another thought: Sometimes I think about how much more spiritual demons are than most professing “Christians” in America. James 2 says the demons believe there is one God and shudder. The demons tremble knowing who God is. Many claim to know God, and have no fear in their bones of Him. In fact, Paul talks about that in Romans 8. How is it that demons recognize and understand the power of God more than we sometimes do? How much more should those who are genuinely sons and daughters of the King, recognize and understand His power?  

“Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.”-1 John 4:4

Haiti (3/13/13): Part Two: When Things Got Really Real

In the small group of girls, ages 10-15, that me and a few other girls led, we discussed sex and dating, with Mark as our translator. Sex and dating is a big topic in Haiti just like in America. There were certain cultural parts of this topic that I didn't feel like I researched enough before addressing the topic, but the truth of sex and marriage in the bible is relevant to all cultures and all peoples. The girls didn't focus very well and joked around a lot. After the group time was over, two girls wanted to talk to me one-on-one. 

The first girl was eleven. She told me she had had sex before and didn't want to do it anymore. As the conversation unraveled, I found out she was having sex with boys who had money, so her family could eat. She said it had only happened once then later said it happened twice; the translator, Mark, said she was being shy and that it has probably happened a lot. Basically, this 11-year-old girl was being prostituted because of her extreme poverty conditions; they see it as the only way to get money and food. The sad part is it honestly might be the only way to eat at times. It's not like in America where we have stores and small business, places to work; you can't just go and fill out an application for a job at the nonexistent grocery store in the Mole, Haiti. I call this circumstantially forced prostitution. As tears began to roll down my face, I told her my heart breaks for her situation, but I have never experienced anything like that. I told her of the strong compassion God has given me for girls like her, but even though the compassion is fierce and intense, I can and probably never will understand from first hand experience what she has to go through. I continued talking to her about regardless of her circumstances, God can be her hope, strength, refuge, and shelter. God is good, and He is in control. This world and the circumstances we endure are temporary (James 4:14), but there is hope in spending eternity with God who holds us together. We desperately long for Him, and someday we'll be with Him. When that day comes, there will be no mourning, nor tears, nor pain anymore (Rev. 21:3-5). 

The situation of this little girl shattered my heart. God has given me such a huge compassion for girls in sex trafficking or forced prostitution. I am honestly not sure what the girl thought about this. I was sitting there helplessly crying and speaking God's words to her and she just stared at me, not really confused, not really sad; I'm not sure how to explain it. I think, if anything, she knew that she was cared for and that someone would cry for her. When my family was dropping me off at my dorm after my sorority's (Raider Sisters for Christ) parents' weekend , my mom hugged me goodbye and said she was proud of me and that I was doing great, then she started crying. I shed a few tears, but tried to be a big girl and hold them back. My grandma called me later that night, when they got home, and told me she was talking to my mom and telling her I started crying a little bit after she (my mom) hugged me. My grandma said her reaction was surprised and happy that I cried because of her. First of all, this makes me sad because I guess I'm not expressing enough emotion to my mother to let her know she is dearly loved by me. On the other hand, it proves crying for a loved one is a very intimate way to show you care deeply about them. So my point is, when I cried many tears for the little girl, I pray she saw the compassion and love that Christ has for her. 

I felt so helpless during this conversation with the girl. There was nothing I could do to change her circumstances. There was nothing I could say to make her situation better. It was all and is all up to God, which is super humbling. I can do nothing but tell her the truths of God, love on her and pray that God moves. 

The missionary, Jody, we're working with wants to do something to help these girls in her community in  prostitution because it is somewhat common. Parents take their daughters to the beach to be bought for sex at 50 goods, which is $1.25 in American money. I was shocked when Jody found out a price and reported it to us. I would love to just pay off all the parents, but that won't fix the community issue.

Before I came on this trip, God told me he would show me something real and tangible that pertained to the passion He had given me for girls in forced prostitution. It was very real. The most real moment of my life. It was harder than I had ever imagined. I knew as soon as she started talking, probably even before, what this conversation was going to be about. 

Toward the end of my junior year, God randomly sparked up a passion in me for the issue of sex trafficking. I remember thinking "why isn't this issue addressed?" and "why aren't there any organizations to help this?" And there was. I just didn't know about them because the issue of sex trafficking wasn't widely known at this point. Two weeks after God laid this passion on my heart, my church youth group announced the organization we were going to be giving to for the next year, which was She Dances, an anti-sex trafficking organization in Honduras. I remember being so blown away by that. My senior year I really wanted to make and sell shirts to raise more money for She Dances, but that never worked out. The passion kind of faded in the background my senior year until the beginning of college when God hit me hard with compassion for these girls. It got to the point where I would break down in tears during prayer for these girls. I asked God to use me in some way to do something with this passion. I was in speech that semester and decided to do my persuasive speech on sex trafficking, so I was able to share God's passion for the victims of sex trafficking with my class. Based on that speech, a representative from each speech discussion section would be chosen to participate in a speech competition called "Speak Up!" In the first round, I did the speech in front of a few students and judges. I made it to the next round, where I spoke in front of a few more students and judges. Then I was chosen to be in the final eight speakers in the competition, where I spoke in front of hundreds of students and a few judges, including Josh Abbott. I didn't get first, second, or third place, but God gave me the opportunity to share the passion He'd given me in front of hundreds of students, as well as faculty and judges. And now, here I am, a semester later, sitting on the dirt ground in Haiti, talking face-to-face with a girl who is a forced prostitute. It all hit me in that moment that the Lord was making my passion for girls in sex trafficking a reality rather than something I just talked and prayed about. 

It is easier to talk about it. It is harder when you're face-to-face with the issue. It becomes m

ore personal, more intimate. You can feel the brokenness in a more tangible way than ever before. 

My closing thoughts: The Lord has made it very certain to me that at some point He wants me to do international missions with girls in forced prostitution. Talking to that girl was the final event of reassurance. There are no coincidences when it comes to the Lord. And because I have learned that, I know, without a doubt in my mind (which is hard to accomplish), what He is calling me to. I do not know where, I do not know how, I do not know when, I just know that I must be willing to say "yes" regardless of the answers to those questions. There is no better place to be than in the in the will of God, and there is no worse place to be than out of the will of God. 

Haiti (3/13/13): Part One: The Joy of Sharing the Gospel

It was a long and hard day, but overall full of joy and goodness.

Today my group evangelized in a village about 20 minutes away from the Mole. Ryan, Cheryl, and I first went to a hut with a woman and her neighbor. We shared the gospel with the two ladies then the woman I was speaking with, got on her knees and asked us to pray for her and her eight kids. I got on my knees with her and prayed a very Spirit led prayer (definitely God's words and not mine); it was a beautiful moment. After 30 minutes at that hut, we went to another hut and spent 30 minutes conversing with the family, (a man and his wife plus two kids) sharing the good news that is the gospel and praying with them. At both houses I saw the Spirit moving so much and speak through Ryan, Cheryl, and I, giving us words to say and specific Scripture to use. The presence of God was everywhere during the time of evangelism; it gave me so much joy. It satisfies my soul to share the good news that has transformed mine and many of my close friends' lives. Growing up in church, I felt like sharing the gospel was an obligation rather than the great joy that it is. It may be awkward and uncomfortable at times and you will probably face much rejection, but when the gospel is truly internalized in you, it is an excitement and joy to preach the great message that saved your wretched life. Sharing the gospel is not even just about words (although that is an important part), but it is about displaying it in all of your life. It is also never a forced thing to try and exhibit the gospel played out in your life, but rather a natural display of what God has done and is doing in your heart. In John 7:38 Jesus said, "Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, 'Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.'" This "living water," as described in John 4 by Jesus to the Samaritan woman, is only water that he himself can give you. What I'm getting at is, when Holy Spirit lives inside of you, He will pour out of you like living water. It is not a forced thing. Another thing I wanted to mention is that I am pretty bad with oral words, and I definitely saw the Spirit give me clarity in my words. Before this trip, I was praying specifically that God would allow me to communicate the gospel effectively in an organized and clear manner, and I definitely saw God answer this prayer.

We ate lunch after we got back then went to the beach - beautiful as ever. Later during the teen conference, we broke up into two small groups, ages 10-15 and 16-20's.

This is a picture of my wonderful group that I've been mentioned, so now you can put names with faces. (From left to right) Me (Victoria Holloway), Marybeth Morrice, Chris Brooks, Abbey Smith, Cheryl Aguas, Maddux Martin, and Ryan Gregory

The rest of this journal entry will be in the following post. I am splitting it up because the second half is long and full of heavy, tear-jerking, passion-filled content.

Haiti (3/12/13): Take a pick ax to my heart, oh God

My group went to do construction today. We dug up trenches to prepare for the laying of the foundation of the abuse clinic the Northwest Haiti Christian Mission (NWHCM - the mission we worked with) will be building. It was wonderful to see my group without one complaint, serving with the joy of the Lord. "Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men" (Ephesians 6:7). God was showing me through the digging that he must take a pick ax to our hardened, dry hearts and dig up softer soil to nurture, and eventually plant the seed of the gospel, water it, and grow us into disciples. 

There were two kids who came outside the fence of the construction area. Ryan and Abby (two of my lovely team members) started coloring with them, then Ryan called me over there and went back to construction. While I was coloring with them Abby came back out and said, "We should wash their feet." I was so excited she thought of that. She got her water bottle, and we washed their feet as she told them (through the translators - Haitians speak Creole) the story of when Jesus washed the disciples' feet. We told the two little boys how God is their Father, He is fighting for their hearts, He loves them, and He wants them. It was a precious thing for to me to serve the children in such a way as intimate as washing their feet. Cheryl brought up the point that we get to love on the kids for a week then leave them, which sucks. Although that is true, I hope if I could leave them with anything lasting, it is the truth of God and the love of Christ. 

Later that day, Hailey and Dylan spoke on the consequences of having identity in the world rather than God. During an upbeat song in the Creole worship, everyone was dancing around with the kids, and it was such a joyful time. All over the room was silly dancing, smiles, and laughter; the room was filled with the joy of the Lord. It was so cool. I personally love worshiping God through dance; it brings me so much joy, so I loved this time of worship through dance even though we couldn't sing along. 

The small group with girls was frustrating today because the girls were really closed off, and the translator would talk to the girls without telling us their full responses.

We end every night with a devotional by someone in the group or Jody (the missionary). I did the devotional for this night and shared on the importance of scripture; it was something God had laid on my heart to share for the devotion about 30 minutes before I was supposed to speak. I rebuked the team and myself for not using enough Scripture when talking to people about God. The verse I shared was 2 Timothy 3:16-17, which says, "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work." We are not equipped for good works or sharing about the truth of God if we aren't basing everything off Scripture. Stories are great, testimonies are great, but the importance of incorporating Scripture, or rather having that be the base of your story or testimony, is vital. The Word is lasting truth. These are the words of God. The most loving thing I can do for the Haitians and for all people is to point them to the never-shaking truth that is the Word of God. My words are nothing; they are just words. God's words are everything. They carry so much weight and power. Using Scripture for everything is not a "crutch", but rather the most loving thing you can do. It makes much of God and little of man. "He must increase, but I must decrease" (John 3:30). I rebuke any pastor who speaks eloquently, but does not use Scripture as the very foundation of every word that comes out His mouth. I rebuke myself if I ever stray from the use of Scripture when speaking with people about the truths of God. 

After the devotion, we broke up into our three groups. In our group, we process the day and hand out beads of encouragement to our group members. The white bead is for compassion, the blue for leadership, the green for service, and the yellow for boldness. I received many blue beads tonight, which is just a testimony to the heart of a leader God is creating in me. I am humbled that He would use such a broken 18-year-old girl to be a leader in the body of Christ for His glory. 

My closing thoughts: My prayer is that God may continue to break the soil of the unsaved and saved Haitians and Americans. Also that He would increase my compassion and give me heart that breaks for His people. That He would enrich the soils of our hearts in order to be receiving of His word and of the gospel. That He may water, and the seeds may grow into something that glorifies Him. 

Haiti (3/11/13): I got the JOY, JOY, JOY, JOY down in my heart

We ate breakfast at 9 a.m. then my group headed out in the village for vacation bible school with the Haitian children. Another group went to do construction on the clinic, and the remaining group preached the gospel from hut to hut in the village. The children were just as beautiful as the teal, deep blue water along the coastline with the green palm trees. There is something so precious and innocent about some of the kids' smiles that bring me great joy. I told the children about the story of Noah and the Ark then we colored, blew bubbles, and played games with them.

At 1 p.m. we had lunch then headed over to a large tent with wooden benches where Josh and I spoke on the gospel to the teen and twenty-year-old Haitians. It was my first time to preach the gospel. It is so humbling to know I can never preach the gospel the way it deserves to be preached; I am not just referring to my public speaking ability, but that the gravity of the message of the gospel that is so incredibly important, powerful, meaningful, and immaculate that no man could ever do it justice with the way we share it. It is by God's grace that He even gave me the opportunity to speak about His great news. About 20-30 people showed up to the youth conference. It was a beautiful opportunity to be able to preach the gospel. He gave me a great peace and joy about sharing His greatest message. 

Afterward, we sang two worship songs in English, which included "Here I Am to Worship" and "How Great is Our God." It was the most jumbled mess of worship I have ever heard, but God continually reminded me throughout the singing that this is a joyous noise to Him. I began thinking of how God views our songs of praise. We can never worship God the way He deserves, so even if our voices are in perfect unity, it's still such a mess even though it doesn't appear to be that way to us little humans down here. We do not praise God "better" by singing on key or having loud bands or high-quality instruments, but rather it is a joyful noise to Him when our only heart's desire is for the great and awesome God to be lifted on high. It is all about Him. It is not about us - and I am not just speaking of worship through song. Romans 12:1 says “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship.”

Later that night, after I wrote this journal, I and the five other girls sleeping in the same room as me heard a voodoo ceremony going on outside. Ironically, I just wrote on worshiping God and now I’m writing about people who we heard worshiping the devil. It was something none of us had ever been exposed to and something most people in America are never exposed to. It woke me up two times in the night because it was going on all night (kind of irritating – like can you stop beating on your drums and chanting to the devil…I’m trying to sleep here). The second time I woke up, all the other girls were awake as well. We were all pretty freaked out, so we had a one-hour prayer session, declaring our authority in Christ and the power of our God and rebuking the devil. Through prayer and reassurance of His protection and magnificent power, God gave me a peace about the situation. I will write more about this in later journals, but basically all you need to know is that yes, the devil is real and demons are actively working on this earth, BUT GOD IS GREATER than our minds can fathom. His power is so much beyond our understanding. It reigns over the whole earth and all the heavens, which He created. “And God said ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light.” (Genesis 1:3). He simply spoke it, and it was there. He makes Satan His footstool (Hebrews 10:12-13).

“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?”-Psalm 27:1

It gets me really excited to talk about the power of God, so I’m all giddy right now. I am amazed that the same power is within me via Holy Spirit. And at the same time, I am humbled that a holy, perfect God chose to make His home inside of a sinner like me. 

Haiti (3/9/13, 3/10/13): Bumpy Rides and Bright Stars

On Saturday March 9, 2013, at 8 a.m., the Haiti mission team of 20 left the Wesley Foundation for Dallas, TX. After a six hour drive in the car, we stopped for lunch at Wendy’s then went to the DFW airport. We reached Miami about 9 p.m. then went to the Red Roof Inn to sleep for a few hours. I finally hit the hay at 12:30 p.m. after getting settled in and making my last phone calls for seven days to my mom and dad. I got a good little nap in before we woke up at 4 a.m. and took the shuttle over to the airport. A couple hours later, we were seated on the airplane, as the wheels left the ground, destined for Port Au Prince, Haiti. During the plane ride, I marveled at the beautiful puffy white clouds suspended below the plane that my God the creator formed. As we got closer to Haiti, I gazed down at the sparkling aqua and deep blue water along the sandy coastline, scattered with run-down houses throughout the land and mountains in the background.

We landed in Port Au Prince then the guys piled and strapped down our luggage on top of the white school bus we would be traveling on to the Mole, St. Nicholas, for a total of 11 hours. As the wheels of the bus went round and round, I stared out the window observing the Haitian culture and people. The Haitians went about their daily business, stopping to look at us “blancs” (white people-as some of them called us) with their white eyes that stood out in contrast to their dark skin. Women carried bowls of fruit and bags of goods on their heads; skinny dogs, goats, and cows strolled along the side of the road; occasionally, there would be people bathing in rivers. A small portion of the bus ride was paved road, some was similar to a country dirt road, but the majority of the ride was through a dried up river bed used as a road. It was literally the most wild bus ride I have ever experienced. There was a point where I was genuinely scared the bus was just going to tip over or get stuck in the mud. The bus broke down about two hours away from the Mole at the bottom of a hill next to a house. It turned out to be such a blessing to be stuck there for two hours in the slightly brisk night. The Haitians bumped some reggae music as we danced on an upstairs deck outside and stared up at the pitch black sky full of piercing white stars. It reminds me of an analogy one of my favorite preachers, Paul Washer, uses; he says when you see your sin and wickedness for what it is then you are able to see God's glory shining like bright stars against the darkness of the world. The pitch black background of the sky is us in all our evil nature, and the stars are God in all His perfection and holiness. (Now I will abruptly continue back to the story) Josh and I two-stepped on the deck then starting dancing silly, and all the Haitian kids laughed at us. The girls went to the bathroom in a bucket toward the back of the house; while we were waiting, there were huge palm leaves hovering over our heads. After the bus was fixed, we were back on the crazy, rocky road. At about 11 p.m. we showed up to missionary’s house, Jody and Jose, where the girls would be staying for the week. There was delicious Haitian spaghetti waiting for us when we got there. It was so good, and the fact that we hadn’t eaten a real meal in over 24 hours made it that much tastier. It is now 1 a.m., so after finishing this journal, I am going to sleep. Goodnight! I can’t wait to scribe my adventures in Haiti throughout this week. Tomorrow my group will be doing VBS in the village, and in the afternoon, Josh and I will be speaking on the gospel at the teen conference.

My conclusion for the day: Why is it that we see bus breakdowns in Haiti as a divine appointment and recognize God is sovereign through a wild bus ride, but fail to see that our car breaking down in the states is an opportunity from God? Do we not know that God sees all, knows all, and is in control of all? I pray this is a lasting lesson I take back home with me – to take every moment as an opportunity from God, regardless of if the situation is good or bad in my eyes.