Haiti (3/13/13): Part Two: When Things Got Really Real

In the small group of girls, ages 10-15, that me and a few other girls led, we discussed sex and dating, with Mark as our translator. Sex and dating is a big topic in Haiti just like in America. There were certain cultural parts of this topic that I didn't feel like I researched enough before addressing the topic, but the truth of sex and marriage in the bible is relevant to all cultures and all peoples. The girls didn't focus very well and joked around a lot. After the group time was over, two girls wanted to talk to me one-on-one. 

The first girl was eleven. She told me she had had sex before and didn't want to do it anymore. As the conversation unraveled, I found out she was having sex with boys who had money, so her family could eat. She said it had only happened once then later said it happened twice; the translator, Mark, said she was being shy and that it has probably happened a lot. Basically, this 11-year-old girl was being prostituted because of her extreme poverty conditions; they see it as the only way to get money and food. The sad part is it honestly might be the only way to eat at times. It's not like in America where we have stores and small business, places to work; you can't just go and fill out an application for a job at the nonexistent grocery store in the Mole, Haiti. I call this circumstantially forced prostitution. As tears began to roll down my face, I told her my heart breaks for her situation, but I have never experienced anything like that. I told her of the strong compassion God has given me for girls like her, but even though the compassion is fierce and intense, I can and probably never will understand from first hand experience what she has to go through. I continued talking to her about regardless of her circumstances, God can be her hope, strength, refuge, and shelter. God is good, and He is in control. This world and the circumstances we endure are temporary (James 4:14), but there is hope in spending eternity with God who holds us together. We desperately long for Him, and someday we'll be with Him. When that day comes, there will be no mourning, nor tears, nor pain anymore (Rev. 21:3-5). 

The situation of this little girl shattered my heart. God has given me such a huge compassion for girls in sex trafficking or forced prostitution. I am honestly not sure what the girl thought about this. I was sitting there helplessly crying and speaking God's words to her and she just stared at me, not really confused, not really sad; I'm not sure how to explain it. I think, if anything, she knew that she was cared for and that someone would cry for her. When my family was dropping me off at my dorm after my sorority's (Raider Sisters for Christ) parents' weekend , my mom hugged me goodbye and said she was proud of me and that I was doing great, then she started crying. I shed a few tears, but tried to be a big girl and hold them back. My grandma called me later that night, when they got home, and told me she was talking to my mom and telling her I started crying a little bit after she (my mom) hugged me. My grandma said her reaction was surprised and happy that I cried because of her. First of all, this makes me sad because I guess I'm not expressing enough emotion to my mother to let her know she is dearly loved by me. On the other hand, it proves crying for a loved one is a very intimate way to show you care deeply about them. So my point is, when I cried many tears for the little girl, I pray she saw the compassion and love that Christ has for her. 

I felt so helpless during this conversation with the girl. There was nothing I could do to change her circumstances. There was nothing I could say to make her situation better. It was all and is all up to God, which is super humbling. I can do nothing but tell her the truths of God, love on her and pray that God moves. 

The missionary, Jody, we're working with wants to do something to help these girls in her community in  prostitution because it is somewhat common. Parents take their daughters to the beach to be bought for sex at 50 goods, which is $1.25 in American money. I was shocked when Jody found out a price and reported it to us. I would love to just pay off all the parents, but that won't fix the community issue.

Before I came on this trip, God told me he would show me something real and tangible that pertained to the passion He had given me for girls in forced prostitution. It was very real. The most real moment of my life. It was harder than I had ever imagined. I knew as soon as she started talking, probably even before, what this conversation was going to be about. 

Toward the end of my junior year, God randomly sparked up a passion in me for the issue of sex trafficking. I remember thinking "why isn't this issue addressed?" and "why aren't there any organizations to help this?" And there was. I just didn't know about them because the issue of sex trafficking wasn't widely known at this point. Two weeks after God laid this passion on my heart, my church youth group announced the organization we were going to be giving to for the next year, which was She Dances, an anti-sex trafficking organization in Honduras. I remember being so blown away by that. My senior year I really wanted to make and sell shirts to raise more money for She Dances, but that never worked out. The passion kind of faded in the background my senior year until the beginning of college when God hit me hard with compassion for these girls. It got to the point where I would break down in tears during prayer for these girls. I asked God to use me in some way to do something with this passion. I was in speech that semester and decided to do my persuasive speech on sex trafficking, so I was able to share God's passion for the victims of sex trafficking with my class. Based on that speech, a representative from each speech discussion section would be chosen to participate in a speech competition called "Speak Up!" In the first round, I did the speech in front of a few students and judges. I made it to the next round, where I spoke in front of a few more students and judges. Then I was chosen to be in the final eight speakers in the competition, where I spoke in front of hundreds of students and a few judges, including Josh Abbott. I didn't get first, second, or third place, but God gave me the opportunity to share the passion He'd given me in front of hundreds of students, as well as faculty and judges. And now, here I am, a semester later, sitting on the dirt ground in Haiti, talking face-to-face with a girl who is a forced prostitute. It all hit me in that moment that the Lord was making my passion for girls in sex trafficking a reality rather than something I just talked and prayed about. 

It is easier to talk about it. It is harder when you're face-to-face with the issue. It becomes m

ore personal, more intimate. You can feel the brokenness in a more tangible way than ever before. 

My closing thoughts: The Lord has made it very certain to me that at some point He wants me to do international missions with girls in forced prostitution. Talking to that girl was the final event of reassurance. There are no coincidences when it comes to the Lord. And because I have learned that, I know, without a doubt in my mind (which is hard to accomplish), what He is calling me to. I do not know where, I do not know how, I do not know when, I just know that I must be willing to say "yes" regardless of the answers to those questions. There is no better place to be than in the in the will of God, and there is no worse place to be than out of the will of God. 

Haiti (3/13/13): Part One: The Joy of Sharing the Gospel

It was a long and hard day, but overall full of joy and goodness.

Today my group evangelized in a village about 20 minutes away from the Mole. Ryan, Cheryl, and I first went to a hut with a woman and her neighbor. We shared the gospel with the two ladies then the woman I was speaking with, got on her knees and asked us to pray for her and her eight kids. I got on my knees with her and prayed a very Spirit led prayer (definitely God's words and not mine); it was a beautiful moment. After 30 minutes at that hut, we went to another hut and spent 30 minutes conversing with the family, (a man and his wife plus two kids) sharing the good news that is the gospel and praying with them. At both houses I saw the Spirit moving so much and speak through Ryan, Cheryl, and I, giving us words to say and specific Scripture to use. The presence of God was everywhere during the time of evangelism; it gave me so much joy. It satisfies my soul to share the good news that has transformed mine and many of my close friends' lives. Growing up in church, I felt like sharing the gospel was an obligation rather than the great joy that it is. It may be awkward and uncomfortable at times and you will probably face much rejection, but when the gospel is truly internalized in you, it is an excitement and joy to preach the great message that saved your wretched life. Sharing the gospel is not even just about words (although that is an important part), but it is about displaying it in all of your life. It is also never a forced thing to try and exhibit the gospel played out in your life, but rather a natural display of what God has done and is doing in your heart. In John 7:38 Jesus said, "Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, 'Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.'" This "living water," as described in John 4 by Jesus to the Samaritan woman, is only water that he himself can give you. What I'm getting at is, when Holy Spirit lives inside of you, He will pour out of you like living water. It is not a forced thing. Another thing I wanted to mention is that I am pretty bad with oral words, and I definitely saw the Spirit give me clarity in my words. Before this trip, I was praying specifically that God would allow me to communicate the gospel effectively in an organized and clear manner, and I definitely saw God answer this prayer.

We ate lunch after we got back then went to the beach - beautiful as ever. Later during the teen conference, we broke up into two small groups, ages 10-15 and 16-20's.

This is a picture of my wonderful group that I've been mentioned, so now you can put names with faces. (From left to right) Me (Victoria Holloway), Marybeth Morrice, Chris Brooks, Abbey Smith, Cheryl Aguas, Maddux Martin, and Ryan Gregory

The rest of this journal entry will be in the following post. I am splitting it up because the second half is long and full of heavy, tear-jerking, passion-filled content.

Haiti (3/12/13): Take a pick ax to my heart, oh God

My group went to do construction today. We dug up trenches to prepare for the laying of the foundation of the abuse clinic the Northwest Haiti Christian Mission (NWHCM - the mission we worked with) will be building. It was wonderful to see my group without one complaint, serving with the joy of the Lord. "Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men" (Ephesians 6:7). God was showing me through the digging that he must take a pick ax to our hardened, dry hearts and dig up softer soil to nurture, and eventually plant the seed of the gospel, water it, and grow us into disciples. 

There were two kids who came outside the fence of the construction area. Ryan and Abby (two of my lovely team members) started coloring with them, then Ryan called me over there and went back to construction. While I was coloring with them Abby came back out and said, "We should wash their feet." I was so excited she thought of that. She got her water bottle, and we washed their feet as she told them (through the translators - Haitians speak Creole) the story of when Jesus washed the disciples' feet. We told the two little boys how God is their Father, He is fighting for their hearts, He loves them, and He wants them. It was a precious thing for to me to serve the children in such a way as intimate as washing their feet. Cheryl brought up the point that we get to love on the kids for a week then leave them, which sucks. Although that is true, I hope if I could leave them with anything lasting, it is the truth of God and the love of Christ. 

Later that day, Hailey and Dylan spoke on the consequences of having identity in the world rather than God. During an upbeat song in the Creole worship, everyone was dancing around with the kids, and it was such a joyful time. All over the room was silly dancing, smiles, and laughter; the room was filled with the joy of the Lord. It was so cool. I personally love worshiping God through dance; it brings me so much joy, so I loved this time of worship through dance even though we couldn't sing along. 

The small group with girls was frustrating today because the girls were really closed off, and the translator would talk to the girls without telling us their full responses.

We end every night with a devotional by someone in the group or Jody (the missionary). I did the devotional for this night and shared on the importance of scripture; it was something God had laid on my heart to share for the devotion about 30 minutes before I was supposed to speak. I rebuked the team and myself for not using enough Scripture when talking to people about God. The verse I shared was 2 Timothy 3:16-17, which says, "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work." We are not equipped for good works or sharing about the truth of God if we aren't basing everything off Scripture. Stories are great, testimonies are great, but the importance of incorporating Scripture, or rather having that be the base of your story or testimony, is vital. The Word is lasting truth. These are the words of God. The most loving thing I can do for the Haitians and for all people is to point them to the never-shaking truth that is the Word of God. My words are nothing; they are just words. God's words are everything. They carry so much weight and power. Using Scripture for everything is not a "crutch", but rather the most loving thing you can do. It makes much of God and little of man. "He must increase, but I must decrease" (John 3:30). I rebuke any pastor who speaks eloquently, but does not use Scripture as the very foundation of every word that comes out His mouth. I rebuke myself if I ever stray from the use of Scripture when speaking with people about the truths of God. 

After the devotion, we broke up into our three groups. In our group, we process the day and hand out beads of encouragement to our group members. The white bead is for compassion, the blue for leadership, the green for service, and the yellow for boldness. I received many blue beads tonight, which is just a testimony to the heart of a leader God is creating in me. I am humbled that He would use such a broken 18-year-old girl to be a leader in the body of Christ for His glory. 

My closing thoughts: My prayer is that God may continue to break the soil of the unsaved and saved Haitians and Americans. Also that He would increase my compassion and give me heart that breaks for His people. That He would enrich the soils of our hearts in order to be receiving of His word and of the gospel. That He may water, and the seeds may grow into something that glorifies Him. 

Haiti (3/11/13): I got the JOY, JOY, JOY, JOY down in my heart

We ate breakfast at 9 a.m. then my group headed out in the village for vacation bible school with the Haitian children. Another group went to do construction on the clinic, and the remaining group preached the gospel from hut to hut in the village. The children were just as beautiful as the teal, deep blue water along the coastline with the green palm trees. There is something so precious and innocent about some of the kids' smiles that bring me great joy. I told the children about the story of Noah and the Ark then we colored, blew bubbles, and played games with them.

At 1 p.m. we had lunch then headed over to a large tent with wooden benches where Josh and I spoke on the gospel to the teen and twenty-year-old Haitians. It was my first time to preach the gospel. It is so humbling to know I can never preach the gospel the way it deserves to be preached; I am not just referring to my public speaking ability, but that the gravity of the message of the gospel that is so incredibly important, powerful, meaningful, and immaculate that no man could ever do it justice with the way we share it. It is by God's grace that He even gave me the opportunity to speak about His great news. About 20-30 people showed up to the youth conference. It was a beautiful opportunity to be able to preach the gospel. He gave me a great peace and joy about sharing His greatest message. 

Afterward, we sang two worship songs in English, which included "Here I Am to Worship" and "How Great is Our God." It was the most jumbled mess of worship I have ever heard, but God continually reminded me throughout the singing that this is a joyous noise to Him. I began thinking of how God views our songs of praise. We can never worship God the way He deserves, so even if our voices are in perfect unity, it's still such a mess even though it doesn't appear to be that way to us little humans down here. We do not praise God "better" by singing on key or having loud bands or high-quality instruments, but rather it is a joyful noise to Him when our only heart's desire is for the great and awesome God to be lifted on high. It is all about Him. It is not about us - and I am not just speaking of worship through song. Romans 12:1 says “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship.”

Later that night, after I wrote this journal, I and the five other girls sleeping in the same room as me heard a voodoo ceremony going on outside. Ironically, I just wrote on worshiping God and now I’m writing about people who we heard worshiping the devil. It was something none of us had ever been exposed to and something most people in America are never exposed to. It woke me up two times in the night because it was going on all night (kind of irritating – like can you stop beating on your drums and chanting to the devil…I’m trying to sleep here). The second time I woke up, all the other girls were awake as well. We were all pretty freaked out, so we had a one-hour prayer session, declaring our authority in Christ and the power of our God and rebuking the devil. Through prayer and reassurance of His protection and magnificent power, God gave me a peace about the situation. I will write more about this in later journals, but basically all you need to know is that yes, the devil is real and demons are actively working on this earth, BUT GOD IS GREATER than our minds can fathom. His power is so much beyond our understanding. It reigns over the whole earth and all the heavens, which He created. “And God said ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light.” (Genesis 1:3). He simply spoke it, and it was there. He makes Satan His footstool (Hebrews 10:12-13).

“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?”-Psalm 27:1

It gets me really excited to talk about the power of God, so I’m all giddy right now. I am amazed that the same power is within me via Holy Spirit. And at the same time, I am humbled that a holy, perfect God chose to make His home inside of a sinner like me. 

Haiti (3/9/13, 3/10/13): Bumpy Rides and Bright Stars

On Saturday March 9, 2013, at 8 a.m., the Haiti mission team of 20 left the Wesley Foundation for Dallas, TX. After a six hour drive in the car, we stopped for lunch at Wendy’s then went to the DFW airport. We reached Miami about 9 p.m. then went to the Red Roof Inn to sleep for a few hours. I finally hit the hay at 12:30 p.m. after getting settled in and making my last phone calls for seven days to my mom and dad. I got a good little nap in before we woke up at 4 a.m. and took the shuttle over to the airport. A couple hours later, we were seated on the airplane, as the wheels left the ground, destined for Port Au Prince, Haiti. During the plane ride, I marveled at the beautiful puffy white clouds suspended below the plane that my God the creator formed. As we got closer to Haiti, I gazed down at the sparkling aqua and deep blue water along the sandy coastline, scattered with run-down houses throughout the land and mountains in the background.

We landed in Port Au Prince then the guys piled and strapped down our luggage on top of the white school bus we would be traveling on to the Mole, St. Nicholas, for a total of 11 hours. As the wheels of the bus went round and round, I stared out the window observing the Haitian culture and people. The Haitians went about their daily business, stopping to look at us “blancs” (white people-as some of them called us) with their white eyes that stood out in contrast to their dark skin. Women carried bowls of fruit and bags of goods on their heads; skinny dogs, goats, and cows strolled along the side of the road; occasionally, there would be people bathing in rivers. A small portion of the bus ride was paved road, some was similar to a country dirt road, but the majority of the ride was through a dried up river bed used as a road. It was literally the most wild bus ride I have ever experienced. There was a point where I was genuinely scared the bus was just going to tip over or get stuck in the mud. The bus broke down about two hours away from the Mole at the bottom of a hill next to a house. It turned out to be such a blessing to be stuck there for two hours in the slightly brisk night. The Haitians bumped some reggae music as we danced on an upstairs deck outside and stared up at the pitch black sky full of piercing white stars. It reminds me of an analogy one of my favorite preachers, Paul Washer, uses; he says when you see your sin and wickedness for what it is then you are able to see God's glory shining like bright stars against the darkness of the world. The pitch black background of the sky is us in all our evil nature, and the stars are God in all His perfection and holiness. (Now I will abruptly continue back to the story) Josh and I two-stepped on the deck then starting dancing silly, and all the Haitian kids laughed at us. The girls went to the bathroom in a bucket toward the back of the house; while we were waiting, there were huge palm leaves hovering over our heads. After the bus was fixed, we were back on the crazy, rocky road. At about 11 p.m. we showed up to missionary’s house, Jody and Jose, where the girls would be staying for the week. There was delicious Haitian spaghetti waiting for us when we got there. It was so good, and the fact that we hadn’t eaten a real meal in over 24 hours made it that much tastier. It is now 1 a.m., so after finishing this journal, I am going to sleep. Goodnight! I can’t wait to scribe my adventures in Haiti throughout this week. Tomorrow my group will be doing VBS in the village, and in the afternoon, Josh and I will be speaking on the gospel at the teen conference.

My conclusion for the day: Why is it that we see bus breakdowns in Haiti as a divine appointment and recognize God is sovereign through a wild bus ride, but fail to see that our car breaking down in the states is an opportunity from God? Do we not know that God sees all, knows all, and is in control of all? I pray this is a lasting lesson I take back home with me – to take every moment as an opportunity from God, regardless of if the situation is good or bad in my eyes.